Friday Ramble 25/08/2006

Good afternoon party people.

This week in the news: Hobbo isn’t gay. Ha ha. April Fools! In August.
Knaps and I had a bet over the outcome of the Soccer World Cup Final. The dirty Waps won it for me. So…as much as he has been trying to avoid it, this weekend Knaps will be executing a little procedure called “washing The Tank in his tightey whiteys”. Video goes on sale Monday.


Chip: hi buggggger!
me: hey boyo
how's it going?
Chip: hey hey hey!
good bud, how's joeys life?
me: chilling
Chip: what's news in ur life?
me: killing
Chip: cool - u at work?
me: ya
not much happening
life, love and everything in between
Chip: haha, ur in love?
me: absolutely
like a little puppy
Chip: thats so so cute
so no more orgasm consultants for u?
me: what are you talking about?
that's what being in love is all about isn't?
Chip: good boy
i like that!
me: speak into the meat microphone girly
Chip: haha
on ur knees and smile like a donut
me: that still cracks me up
think i'm going to use that tonight
Chip: please do
me: see how far she can kick my testicles
Chip: u think?
i'm gonna try it at work tomorrow with my lesbian teammate
i reckon she'll kick them further
me: how much does the dyke benchpress?
Chip: not much
she's actually hot
her gf is like olo brown
me: ha ha
dude
get a photo for the ramble
Chip: haha, ok
me: i will post about chip's lesbian colleague in all her glory
Chip: haha
that;s funny
i dig it when we have earthquake drills
cos she has to bend down with me under the desk
guess who's going to see dave matthews?
me: hate
where?
when?
Chip: sacramento
sept 6
outdoors - it's going to be nuts
me: that is so unbelievably awesome it's ridiculous
take a joint with you
Chip: i am so so excited
me: maybe two
Chip: haha!
scared of the cops here
but maybe
me: dude
you are white
they mean you no harm
Chip: haha
that's truw
a lot of girls tell me i look like him
me: who?
stalin?
Chip: dave
fuck u!
me: hahaha
communist pig
Chip: dave matthews is almost bald
haha
i heard wasim akram compare darrell hair to adolf hitler
me: hahaha
Chip: that was very funny
i loved it
it's quite apt
went to this cool place called the haight ashbury
it's the birthplace of hippiedom

I went out for drinks last night and was presented with a shot of cane. And because old junior over here has never done a shot before, I gagged and a little bit came out of my nose. Holymotherofgod. I think it burnt out my nasal cavities completely. I had to leave the place we were and go home. My nose has been leaking various mucuses and bloody liquids miscellaneous ever since. I have yet to regain any semblance of a sense of smell. I really am a useless tool.

1 UP ON U - ZN. That is the registration I saw today. On a golf 4. Whatever you say buddy. You may be vain and classless but fortunately for your sake you are also too ignorant to realize it.

I have a small favour to ask. I have a friend. Her license plate reads KENDZ – ZN but we won’t hold that against her. Her dad was the editor of the now defunct Scope magazine that brings back so many fond memories of 12 year old fireman time. We call him the Godfather. She looks like this:





She has entered some competition that makes fantasies come true. I would like your help to make her win. Go to http://www.brutalfruit.com/ and vote for the Carribean Cruise titled fantasy by Kendz. You have to register which is a little bit of admin but you will make Kendz very happy if she wins. And if she is happy, the Godfather is happy. And if the Godfather is happy, we are all happy.

Come on. Do it for the kids.

Ok. That’s me for the day.
Love, kisses and root vegetables.
Jamo.

Friday Ramble 18/08/2006

Good morrow my cuzzies.

A lovely little instant message I received this morn:
Rowan: dude
need to poo
again
think that chicken is getting frisky


This weekend it was Trivarsity down at Rhodes.
“Let’s drink Crackling in honour”, someone joked.
“Yes lets,” quipped someone else.
“I’ll go to Spar,” chimed in a third.
Assholes.
Never again. Ever.

http://www.ru.ac.za/alumni/reunions2.html just so everyone knows. If my eyes d’oth not deceive me I think it’s the day before a certain special red creature’s birthday. What a way to see it in. Maybe this year I can really embarrass his girlfriend again. In fact, count on it. Also, check out the photo in the top left corner – Gaz Brown representing in his Zambuks jersey. Bless. (incidentally, if anyone has seen one lying around, I’ve lost mine somewhere).

On a related topic: Hobbo is gay.

“A man is only as faithful as his options” Chris Rock.

There is a Peugeot driving around the streets of Joburg, a 307 I think. My Old Man and I have both seen it. It has really budget stickers plastered all over the side and back: “This car is the worst mistake I ever made”.
I could have made a better joke of that but I am tired.

Dictionary.com Word of the Day - piebald: mottled; also, mixed

Come on. Really. That’s too easy.

I noticed the other day that I was getting a whole lot of traffic to this site. Which is unusual, because no one appreciates poignant, intelligent, well articulated writing anymore. So I investigated a little further and discovered the traffic was being driven by google image searches returning a picture of Melissa Puente posted on national cleavage day. I wish every day was national cleavage day. Sigh.


Thanks to Smythers' Library of Beauty

I’m spent. Sorry.

Enjoy your weekends.
Love, kisses, cleavers and axe wounds.

Wonder Showzen

What a show. Of wonder. And zen.



"China - where the flies are so friendly they'll walk right into your mouth and eat the dirt right off your teeth."





Killing with kindness. Hahahahahahahahaha. Did that sound a bit manic? Sorry. Fweet.


Love, kisses and kindness
Jamo

Let Wel

Hey kids.

Awesome news... finally got damn ADSL working at the office about 3 months after moving in. Considering we are a software company and supposedly on the cutting edge of all things technological that's pretty pisspoor I guess. Moral of the story? Go elsewhere for your software needs. Actually the real moral is that Telkom really and truly sucks and we need another service provider in this country. But, whatever. They suck. We deal with it. Life goes on. My feet smell like aging brie.

But I promise you more stuff. The great thing about having the net at your fingertips is that I never really have to think and can just post all sorts of other crap that other people have thought up already. Cunning hey? See, there is some journalist in me. Feel free to mail me anything of interest and post comments and what not.

Ok. Awesome. Bye bye.
Love, kisses and connectivity
Jamo.

Memoirs of a poker night that looks nothing at all like a memoir and more like a couple of photos with arb comments

As promised a couple of photos from the boys night the other day.


"One times beer to smash in my diff please"




Oliver Twist meets Michael Stipe.


Trucker convention.


"When is the diff smashing going to begin?"


Hobbo. Just checking his guy is still there.


Can you guess which lawyer just won all the chips?


Handsome devils


The other two were much handsomer


Demonstrating the Cashian Principle: Concentration is proportional to the number of chips in front of you.


Michael Stipe, Boy George and Alisha Keys.


You can't beat an open collar shirt and gold chain for manliness.


Beer. Diff. Smash.


Team Northern Suburbs No Idea How to Play Poker I'm Here for the Beer Team.


More handsome boyos.

Friday Ramble 11/08/2006

Greetings all. Sorry for the prolonged absence of your favourite pastime.

Just a quickie – as I write this that horribly bad Damien Marley song has just come onto the radio. Could someone please explain to me amount the airtime that song is getting? Cheesy sax went out in the early 90s. Not even pornos have that dreadful shit in them anymore (so I’m told).

And now for something completely different.

If you have been following the news lately you will be aware of a pretty hectic story. Three schoolgirls from Bloem filmed themselves using a cellphone "touching and feeling each other" and sent it to a boy with whom they wanted to hook up.

That makes me so sad

I can only imagine how many videos I would have been sent by girls trying to hook up with me when I was at school if the technology had been around. Damn you little Japanese scientists for being so slow with your technological advances. Rum once sent me a video of him touching a little boy, but I think that was an accident and it was meant for his mom. I sent a video of me touching myself to Hillary Duff. I’m still waiting for a response. You will be mine. Oh yes.

My Name is Earl. What a show. Some of my highlights from this week’s show:

My girlfriend was always bugging me to go to the gardens when we were together. But when we broke up, did she go? No, she went to Ozzfest and wound up churning some guy’s butter.

Randy: Remember at last year’s fair, they had the World’s tallest midget? He was huge! Almost as tall as you.
Earl: Yes, well Randy, I think that might have been a scam.
Randy: … Hurry up! This year they’ve got the World’s smallest giant!

In celebration of women’s day, we had a boy’s night: 27 well dressed boyos and Dan; 4 tables and some poker chips; Several cases of beer and a cigar or three; A couple of bottles of whisky and some ice. Blessed.

For those who were there and are interested, some photos will follow soonish. Just a bit slack about sorting the whole thing out. Sorry.

The whole adventure was held in my garage. As with these things there was about 15 minutes of poker played in earnest and then people starting losing and dropping out and high stakes games for drinks started. Then Knaps got all horny because he had been away from his girlfriend for more than 20 minutes and produced some dirty porn from god knows where. Siff, siff, siff porn. Siff, siff, siff red hairy thing.

Speaking of which, it is his sister's 21st weekend. Why, when she has been smitten with me since the moment she laid eyes upon my manly hairy chest and even manlier mildy receding hairline, am I not there I hear you ask. Because Knaps didn't pass on the good message, did the unfriendly bastard. Why would you do that to a mate? We could have something special. But for you Knaps we could have had some romantic moonlit wanks walks on the beach. Sand pushing up between our...toes. Just her and me and that awesome chest of hers. Sigh. Sorry I digress.

When I was cleaning up (the boys night you filthy minded cretin) a couple of days later I found a couple of Smirnoff Spin bottles which disturbs me a bit. One of my friends is apparently a girl dressed as a guy. Show us yer tits luv. Khets.

Monday night saw the Dogs of War claim victory in the final of their touch league. I think people might have thought we were arrogant punks. I can’t imagine why. We thought having "we didn’t promise you a rose garden" on the back of our shirts was quite witty. And after thrashing whoever we played in the semis, the report on the game on the website read "I heard one of the Dogs of War saying after the game ‘that was a nice run around’". Hoo wah! Tuesday night saw the fines meeting for said illustrious victory. My highlight was the boatrace Hobbo had to take out of his boot. And Mills being given the nickanme 'Dirty Tuna'. Jocks are cool.

Sorry this whole thing is very crap but I’ve only had about 5 minutes to write it and I've kind of got nothing to say really.

Ok. Have a magnificent weekend party people. Trivarsity is apparently upon us, so have a jol and try make it past 8 o'clock those down in the g-spot. I heard some nasty rumours flying around that we are drinking bombs of crackling in Rhodes' honour. Not I. I am upsatning.

Love, kisses, purple hair and purple testicles.
Jamo