Friday Ramble 11/08/2006

Greetings all. Sorry for the prolonged absence of your favourite pastime.

Just a quickie – as I write this that horribly bad Damien Marley song has just come onto the radio. Could someone please explain to me amount the airtime that song is getting? Cheesy sax went out in the early 90s. Not even pornos have that dreadful shit in them anymore (so I’m told).

And now for something completely different.

If you have been following the news lately you will be aware of a pretty hectic story. Three schoolgirls from Bloem filmed themselves using a cellphone "touching and feeling each other" and sent it to a boy with whom they wanted to hook up.

That makes me so sad

I can only imagine how many videos I would have been sent by girls trying to hook up with me when I was at school if the technology had been around. Damn you little Japanese scientists for being so slow with your technological advances. Rum once sent me a video of him touching a little boy, but I think that was an accident and it was meant for his mom. I sent a video of me touching myself to Hillary Duff. I’m still waiting for a response. You will be mine. Oh yes.

My Name is Earl. What a show. Some of my highlights from this week’s show:

My girlfriend was always bugging me to go to the gardens when we were together. But when we broke up, did she go? No, she went to Ozzfest and wound up churning some guy’s butter.

Randy: Remember at last year’s fair, they had the World’s tallest midget? He was huge! Almost as tall as you.
Earl: Yes, well Randy, I think that might have been a scam.
Randy: … Hurry up! This year they’ve got the World’s smallest giant!

In celebration of women’s day, we had a boy’s night: 27 well dressed boyos and Dan; 4 tables and some poker chips; Several cases of beer and a cigar or three; A couple of bottles of whisky and some ice. Blessed.

For those who were there and are interested, some photos will follow soonish. Just a bit slack about sorting the whole thing out. Sorry.

The whole adventure was held in my garage. As with these things there was about 15 minutes of poker played in earnest and then people starting losing and dropping out and high stakes games for drinks started. Then Knaps got all horny because he had been away from his girlfriend for more than 20 minutes and produced some dirty porn from god knows where. Siff, siff, siff porn. Siff, siff, siff red hairy thing.

Speaking of which, it is his sister's 21st weekend. Why, when she has been smitten with me since the moment she laid eyes upon my manly hairy chest and even manlier mildy receding hairline, am I not there I hear you ask. Because Knaps didn't pass on the good message, did the unfriendly bastard. Why would you do that to a mate? We could have something special. But for you Knaps we could have had some romantic moonlit wanks walks on the beach. Sand pushing up between our...toes. Just her and me and that awesome chest of hers. Sigh. Sorry I digress.

When I was cleaning up (the boys night you filthy minded cretin) a couple of days later I found a couple of Smirnoff Spin bottles which disturbs me a bit. One of my friends is apparently a girl dressed as a guy. Show us yer tits luv. Khets.

Monday night saw the Dogs of War claim victory in the final of their touch league. I think people might have thought we were arrogant punks. I can’t imagine why. We thought having "we didn’t promise you a rose garden" on the back of our shirts was quite witty. And after thrashing whoever we played in the semis, the report on the game on the website read "I heard one of the Dogs of War saying after the game ‘that was a nice run around’". Hoo wah! Tuesday night saw the fines meeting for said illustrious victory. My highlight was the boatrace Hobbo had to take out of his boot. And Mills being given the nickanme 'Dirty Tuna'. Jocks are cool.

Sorry this whole thing is very crap but I’ve only had about 5 minutes to write it and I've kind of got nothing to say really.

Ok. Have a magnificent weekend party people. Trivarsity is apparently upon us, so have a jol and try make it past 8 o'clock those down in the g-spot. I heard some nasty rumours flying around that we are drinking bombs of crackling in Rhodes' honour. Not I. I am upsatning.

Love, kisses, purple hair and purple testicles.
Jamo