Friday Ramble 23/06/2006 (Happy Birthday Mommy)

The Ramble is back and kickin more ass than Eric Roberts.

Photoshop is an incredible piece of software. Check out how handsome I can make myself look:



Dan has been telling me for ages about a program on MTV called Wonder Showzen and I had the privilege of seeing it last night. It's put together in the vein of early Sesame Street and that kind of jol. But man is it twisted. 3 scenes that made me laugh:

Brian: "Thanks brain!"
Brain (in a voice like Rambo (actually more like the Green Beret in Commandos for those who have played it)): "No prob. Wa pwa pa."
That's so cool I'm thinking about making it my catch phrase.

[cue twilight zone stylings with twins floating over a field]
Twins: And now for piece of mind [freaky echo]…piece of mind…piece of mind…
[cut to a man sawing a piece of brain off with a breadknife]
All I can say is I'm pretty glad I wasn't stoned like a Muslim harlot at the time. I would have wanted sweet meats.

A sweet looking little kid of about 8 goes to ground zero (to the uninitiated that is the memorial at the rubble of the twin towers) and runs around with a microphone asking people to tell jokes.

Fat Lady: Knock, knock
Kid: Who's there?
Fat Lady: Could
Kid: Could who?
Fat Lady: Could who pour us a cup of tea?...
Kid: Could who tell me how that is funny?
Fat Lady: Well 'could who' sounds a bit like 'could you'…
Kid: Could who explain to us how you didn't get that I just totally burned you?

The fat lady didn't sing.

You know what I like? Long moonlit walks on the beach and candlelit dinners and Wordsworth and giving sensual massages (knobviously), but also when you are listening to a song you've listened to lots of times without really listening to the lyrics and then suddenly one of them jumps out at you and you quite like it. It happened to me a couple of times this last week:

System of a Down: "Everyone needs a motherfucker". Think about it. Well…technically not anymore, but it appealed to me how they made it impossible for your Dad not to be a motherfucker. Cunning. Stunt.

Audioslave: "You needed light so I set myself on fire". That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Except I think he's lying. Burn victims don't make good rock stars. Too much damage to the soft palate.

How much do I hate the Aussies? Let me count the ways. I am seriously upset that they have enough BMT to go through to the knockout stages of the World Cup. Goat-felating backwater hicks.

For those who haven't seen it, the movie 'Waiting…' Just do it. You won't be disappointed. They play a game, the point of which is to get another guy to look inadvertently at your balls, so you can call him a fag and kick him. Metaphor for life? Hmmm.

Speaking of which, I had the good fortune to spend the long weekend on a game farm with a few of the old school Rhodes kids. It was there that I decided Rhodes never leaves your blood. After a day drinking boxwine I found myself thinking "I haven't whipped out the old racing pigeon in ages" and being genuinely upset. That did result in easily the most vicious hangover I have had in about 2 years. You know when it feels like there is someone inside your head squeezing your brain and his twin jumping up and down on your bile duct. That morning, being on a dirt road in an ancient 4x4 with Gumpers' farts smelling like a freshly opened kidney, I wished for nothing but death to either of us. I almost couldn't drink during the rugby. Almost.

Have a fanticious weekend.

Love, kisses, my balls, your chin.
Jamo.
No prob. Wa pwa pa.