Friday Ramble 14/04/2006

Ola.

We’re not trying to break the fabric of society; just give it that worn in
look.

This is not some paradise
Oh…it’s just where we live

Pretty arb weekend so not much to tell.

I did have the pleasure of having a long drunk conversation with the right honourable Rum. The man who put the “erection” in “pedophile”. Only kidding. He wouldn’t touch a child. He just likes to watch. The man who invented the concept of ‘Hogwarts school of witchcraft and buggery’ (copyright pending). “Potter! Touch Granger!” Awww yeah…

My little prodigal sister is back so that’s nice. She baked rusks for me to take to Mozam. Nothing like a bit of child labour hey?

Smuts - fuck yeah!

I came across this poem today for the first time in many years. If Jabberwocky hasn’t featured somewhere in your past them I’m very sorry for you, but your childhood sucked. I’ve taken the liberty of renaming a certain female body part the “Frumious Bandersnatch”. Lovely.

Jabberwocky
Lewis Carroll

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.'

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

MISSING: 1 x Sheep

Last Seen: here

Distinguishing Features: beautiful blue eyes; handsome face; pasty white skin; chicken legs; female conjoined to his groin; marijuana cigarette poking out of his mouth; Black Label quart attached to his left hand; right hand in your wallet (only kidding guy).

Will answer to: “Shum”; “Shummers”; “Shamari”; “Mr. Handsome”; “I’ve got an extra tequila here, is anyone keen?”; “Hey bra, 20 bucks for a bankie. Good stuff, Swazi Gold”; “Show me your handsome face”; “Can I take a picture?”; “Touch them, they are real”

If found please give him a biscuit.

Mini Me aka Stoopid Chris also has a blog. Those who knew him at Rhodes must be thinking the same as me: “But how? Isn’t he illiterate? Wasn’t he functionally retarded? My pubic hair does look better trimmed.” I think his girlfriend must have helped him with the monosyllabic words. The bigger one’s he just left out completely. He has the attention span of a two year old on crack. Seriously, the kid’s libido is the largest organ in his body, though he wishes it were otherwise. At the end of our first year we had the highest marks of all the guy’s reses on campus and I have to tell you – some of those Indian dudes doing pharmacy must have been super bright because Mini was pretty much treading water. Good times.

Has anyone seen the new Honda ad? One word: fuckin magnificent. It starts out with a handlebar-moustache-wearing, old-school-looking-chap exiting a trailer and hopping onto a motorcycle. Then he sings “the impossible dream” passionately while cruising through the countryside on various Honda products. When you see it, you will know. 3 digits up to the advertising team that came up with it, from the Ramble.

Speaking of awesome ads. The new Peugot 407 Coupe ad. Men are back. Fuckin A. Grr. Fweet.

Was at the movies the other day when a kid who couldn’t have been more than 8 who was caught up in a throng said “Aargh! I’m caught in the flow of life!” That’s some pretty profound stuff coming from an 8 year old I thought. One day he will probably have a blog of his very own. Moving on…

You know what I love? People like Fred. Fred I have known since we were about 5. He is an alcoholic in the true sense of the word. He was told by a doctor in first year that if he didn’t stop drinking he was going to die. He hasn’t done either. The beauty of a guy like Fred is that no matter how bad you are feeling about yourself, there is always something that he has done that is worse. I heard classic last night that I had to repeat: At his mate’s 21st, during the old man’s speech, Fred tried to lunge his mate’s mom. Fred, Fred, Fred…that is awesome form.



A message from Jimmy 12” to me that I thought I would pass on to you (he’s referring to the girlfriend epidemic that has ravaged the friendship circle):

Dude enjoy the trip to Mozam it sounds like it'll be sick and please, please, pretty goddamn please don't fall into the trap and become a soft pussy like the rest of them. There are still some of the good guys left my son stay with us for life is far more fun and interesting as a bachelor. It sounds quite serious Jammo I order you to go out drink several beers and have hot sweaty sex with the first skank that will have you.

For you guy, I will do my best. But only do it because you ask so nicely. Don’t expect me to enjoy it…

Thanks Labs for this little gem. I couldn’t have said it better myself.



Go balls deep my little kiddiewinkels.

Love, kisses and frumious bandersnatch
Jamo.

Fucking Chuck Norris