Friday Ramble 25/11/2005

So none of the guys lost to the Impoverished Teacher to Be in the 94.7. I have to be honest I had set aside a whole paragraph in preparation for this week’s ramble in anticipation of that occurrence. But alas, even though I am the world’s most brilliant man, I still cannot predict the future. Well done to all those crazy bastards and bastardesses who took part in the epic cycle. I had a nice nap while intermittently watching comedy on the Series channel - thanks for asking.

My little sister arrived back from her travels abroad this week - after a couple of unexpected hours wait in customs because someone had lost the key to the baggage hold. Anyway, she says that after a year of au pairing she is just so used to cleaning of after people that she can’t help it. Why do you tell me these things?! One slovenly bum of a brother coming right up.

The impending weekend might well be one of the largest we have seen this year. At least up there with the infamous Found-in-the-gutter-outside-Tiger-on-Friday/Rhodes-reunion-where-I-not-only-lost-the-plot-but-the-entire-book-Saturday weekend. We’ll see. Big news is that Miss Scarlet has allowed Knappy to retain the use of his testicles for Saturday because she won’t be in attendance. Just how gay Knappy is at his own birthday party remains to be seen.

The great news is that Smythers and the girlfriend both end their 3 month stint of not drinking this weekend. Front and centre son – you are about to atone for your sins in this life and the next.

Ok. The Furniture Guy led me to the site: www.founders-hall.com . It’s actually ridiculously funny – more so when you have been at Rhodes but anyway. Apart from the fact that the site’s proprietors are gay and still haven’t moved on from their glorious res days, the site has some classic moments. Maybe I’m just jealous: Adamson House didn’t have a pub so we were forced to pack the entire res into a room and mainline Autumn Harvest Crackling on Fridays until we seeped fluids from whence fluids should not seep.


This photograph will haunt my nightmares forever. Check out my guy Paulie at the bottom left.



The sewerage system was a tributary to our bathrooms and the res itself was actually a disused fallout shelter where the Coelacanth’s took refuge when the asteroid struck. Anyway, definitely worth a look for all Rhodents who have as yet not made their way there. There is a poem from there that I had to publish on this site for fear that some might miss it. Laingers wherever you are, you are a ripper son. Plus you can claim the nickname ‘Tweaker’. I can’t claim that. I am sad.

Hugh Bladen – what a true ripper that man is. He had the game of his life this last Saturday. At one point he said, with a serious amount of sarcasm in his voice, “…and Stuart Dickinson…will now have his say…”
At another point a player was down injured. There was blood pissing from his face and he looked like he would rather have someone remove his spleen with a teaspoon than go through the agony he was currently experiencing. Hughie: “And he’s down…and hurt!”
Kobus Wisse held his own though – when someone got handed off like a little bitch he piped up: “Jammer meneer, die bus is vol.”
There doesn’t seem to be a website dedicated to his classic moments though – I think Google is missing a trick.

Ok. Go to www.gnomz.com you can create your own comics. I became a member and everything, so expect them to be a new regular feature. Ok, since my html knowledge is limited and some of the important bits of the site are in French, posting it on the site became a nightmare. You can view it here though. Can you guess who it is? Only found out after I had made this that they have a Jabba the Hut character you can use.

If you have a moment to spare and feel like being amused go to www.westegg.com/simpsons . Nothing groundbreaking, just a whole lot of Simpsons quotes, but as a huge fan I thought I might, ahem, slip it in.

I’ve been cruising around these blog things checking out what your average person is into and I’ve got to tell you, my theory, that your average person is close to being functionally retarded, has yet to be disproved. A disturbingly high percentage of them were photos of fat chicks and their newly born kids. I mean maybe your mom and dad want to see photos of your kids. Your friends? One - just to make sure you weren’t lying when you said you had to leave the pub to go see the birth of your child . No one wants to see that published though; honestly. Sometimes people are too wrapped up in delusions of their own self-importance to realize no one cares. More humour please, less self-indulgence. And the first person to point out the irony in that statement gets 1x samurai assault.

The new Korn video for ‘Transistors’ just serves to remind me why I spent much of my youth listening to these rock gods. Let’s face it, they reached a plateau after ‘Follow the Leader’ but every now and again they produce something that proves that they are still far classier than half the generic clones that try to in the genre. It features Xzibit, Lil Jon, Snoop Dogg and David Banner as the members of Korn in what is a pseudo-documentary about the making of a music video. I did a little bit of looking around on the web and found that there were some people who didn’t dig the video. The said it was just a badly done copy of ‘This is Spinal Tap’. Mayhaps they are just paying homage to one of their favourite movies? They also complained that the jokes were all in-jokes and that the video wasn’t going to garner any new fans. As some who followed the band as a wee tike and who does understand most of the in-jokes, I say to these people, “maybe, just maybe, as multi-million album selling artists, they feel that they have enough fans and made it for the fans that they already have. Now go watch your J-Lo videos because I’m sure they are simple enough for you to understand. Fools!” How can you miss the humour in the ending: “Munky went on to found a new religious movement ‘Chronicology’”.

Remember the world’s ugliest dog? Looked like a pair of testicles broiled with a chicken? It died: http://somethingstickythiswaycomes.blogspot.com/2005/11/imperial-decree-3.html . Half mast; flags that is. Is it just me or is my brain really leeking out during the night?

Scottish Proverb: Twelve Highlanders and a bagpipe make a rebellion. I love my heritage. I just need 11 others and a bagpipe. Knaps, you’re all red and pasty; you’ll pass for a Scotsman or two.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christine_Chubbuck . That is some crazy stuff right there. She was a television-show host in the 70s who pulled a Kurt Cobain live on air.

After a brief scare it appears that my holiday is going to happen after all. From Monday I am going to be on the beautiful beaches of Amanzamtoti, sunning my gonads and going out with the young lasses on matric rage and enjoying the associated pleasures. Who am I kidding? – I’m going to fry myself on the first day and spend the next week oscillating between heat and alcohol induced delirium. The closest I am going to get to female contact is the lady who has to pry my body - caked in whatever fluids my body saw fit to expel during the night - from the sheets and make the bed. Anyway, the point is I won’t be here next week to produce the Ramble. So, you are in for a treat – Smythers has agreed to be a guest author of next week’s ramble. He promises he hates Knappy as much as I do.

Enjoy the weekend and next week of your lives people of the flux, I shall think of you whilst watching the sun go down over the sea from the penthouse.

Remember: “I’m notashrimp, I am a King Prawn”
Love and kisses
Jamo