Friday Ramble 07/10/2005

I think my brain leeks out of my ear at night, so I’m a little low on ramble today; sorry.

Was driving to work the other day , when I saw a guy driving a beetle done up like Herbie. You know the car in that new Lindsay Lowhore movie? Right down to the ‘53’ painted on the side. It was a little sad. Scratch that, it was appallingly sad. It did get me thinking though (for a moment): how cool would it be to do up the old Merc like Kit? - Not very. But, it begs the question: what is it about our childhood heroes from TV and cartoons that still captures our imagination. Freud apparently missed a stage in human development. Right after the anal retentive stage comes the hang on to your childhood heroes stage. You will get there eventually Knaps.

For the record, my Saturday night last week turned out exactly as I predicted it would on last week’s ramble. Fortunately, my body has developed a self-defense mechanism; I black out when I’m embarrassing like that, I’ve executed the cunning ploy of avoiding those who could enlighten me. Take that social decorum.

Just found the most awesome album: Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. It sounds a bit like The Beatles had an orgy with the Dandy Warhols and Pink Floyd and their love-child remarkably didn’t suffer from too many debilitating acid flashbacks. Sheep, Rum and Chopper; I think you will dig this stuff. Knaps, sorry my guy, but they don’t sacrifice anything on stage, so not sure it’s your thing. Check out the songs ‘Jesus, etc’ and ‘Heavy Metal Drummer’.

“If God made man in His own image, man has certainly paid Him back again.”
– Voltaire

You know those cheesy ‘Get to Know Your Friends Better’ things? They are rubbish. I reckon there are only six questions important questions:

1. Top 5 bands to see live:
- Pearl Jam (“I’m not sure there’s wrong or right, but I’m sure there’s good and bad”. My favourite lyric.)
- Green Day (didn’t they have a song on the radio once?)
- Radiohead or Tool (just to see how crazy their frontmen are. Their music isn’t bad either)
- Korn (before you say anything, have you seen the footage of Woodstock ’99?)
- Linkin Park (I don’t really go for loud music, but all the cool kids are doing it)


2. Top 3 concerts you wish would happen:
- Britney and Christina do the Macarena
- Cannibal Corpse Christmas Special
- Steve Hofmeyer plays Monterey


3. Top 10 people with which to have a beer:
- Billy Connolly (Mad)
- Terry Pratchett (Obvious)
- Mat Dunning (it would be like having your very own verbal punching bag at the bar with you)
- Knappy’s Old Man (that guy is a king)
- Mike Skinner (the yob from the Streets)
- Robbie Burns (Scottish poet; severe boozer and womanizer)
- Ernest Hemingway (American poet; ditto)
- George W. (I don’t believe anyone can be that stupid)
- Paris Hilton (ditto)
- Casanova (to compare notes, you know?)

4. Top 5 books (anyone who hasn’t read 5 books is no longer my friend; sorry Karel):
- Pat Conroy – Lords of Discipline or Prince of Tides (I didn’t quite realize how incredibly beautifully this man writes until I read it aloud)
- Neal Stevenson - The Baroque Cycle Trilogy (this man knows how to craft a seriously intricate story)
- Anything to which Mr. Pratchett has laid his pen
- Irvine Welsh – Trainspotting (his writing is raw in a way Bret Easton Ellis (the author of American Psycho) can only dream of being; and yes, yes I know Easton Ellis wasn’t trying to be raw in this way)
- Russell Hoban – Kleinzeit (it’s just so bizarre and refreshing)


5. Top 5 books you are waiting to read:
- Hansard’s “Guide to Refreshing Sleep”, vol. 1 – 18
- Huxem’s “General Notes on Income Tax”
- Noddy and Big Ears Come Out
- Noddy Lynches a Golliwog
- Noddy Posts Bail on the Murder Charge but is Held on Suspicion of Disobeying God because He is Gay

6. On a scale from Alotta Fagina to Jenna Jameson, how much does Province suck hairy balls?

The best put-down ever (from Full Metal Jacket): “Looks like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.”

Did I mention, I think my brain leeks at night?

Little Sister, Happy Birthday. Everyone send my sister birthday wishes because she got the good looks and ability to hold her liquor in the family.

Pert Spice, have an awesome 21st. Sorry I’m too much of a pauper to make it down to spoil the whole thing.

And yes, we did just get stuffed by the Aussies by 55 runs again.

I was so close to going a whole Friday Ramble without ripping off Knaps, however… He just called me ‘buster’ on messenger; as in “wow, you are becoming such a big boy, hey buster?!” I think it must be to computer nerds what ‘bugger’ is to jocks. Why do you make it so easy Knaps? In the words of Radiohead, “Oh…you do it to yourself”.

This is one last order of business: Girls pretend that the parts of a guys body they like best are the hands or those funny hollows [some] guys have either side of their stomachs at their waistline; but I know better: it’s the vein they get in their necks when they are dry-retching in the morning:--


Happy Birthday for last week Boarders.