Sorry brothers

"You know what? Teazers has ruined guavas for me. They used to be my favourite fruit." - The Jan.
[Ed Note: In case you have had your head in a bucket on Jan Smuts Ave for the past 6 months or don't use it - there is a Teazers billboard that features a nice ripe looking guava. I tried to get a pic but for once the internet failed me; and there are only so many variants of "Teazers Guava" I'm prepared to to Google at work.]

I'm far too classy to kiss and tell, but seeing as how it was Labs doing the kissing - all I'm going to say is 3 girls; one Jessica Biel look-alike, one old enough to be Elizabeth Taylor (with two kids) and one Anne Heche. I bow to your greatness noble Labs, slayer of women, councellor to the wise, turner of lesbians.

My dad's girlfriend is an idiot vol. 5
My sister was going to gym with her. She is a ricket. Somewhere in her genealogy lies a chicken. She was wearing a pair of bright pink lycra pants covered in teddy bears. She said to my sister as they drove out of the gate “I must get your father to water the flowers out here – I’m far too embarrassed to stand outside and water plants”

I played in a golf tournament organised by the Jhb OGA yesterday. On Thursday I received an email detailing the pairings. As I ran my eye across to our opponents "Pips" struck me as sounding dangerously like a girl's name. At this point in my story it is critical to know two things:
(1) I am a chauvinist assil when it comes to things of a sporting nature. Losing to a girl at sports is not an option.
(2) My golf is so bad that I have had the dubious honour of being the only guy I know who has given themselves a blood nose with a wayward drive.
So, as you might imagine, I was less than stoked at being pitted against a girl in this particular competition.
The big day rolled round and she duly made me look like a muling, puking baby (to be fair, I mostly did that on my own). Men of the world, I am sorry. I bow my head in shame in your presence.
The good news is...she beat everyone. So there are 20 odd chaps out there hanging their heads with me. The other good news is that I managed to avoid the 'most golf' prize on a handicapping technicality.

Almost forgot...happy birthday Neilo. Shot for the jam on Saturday; I blame you and your whisky solely for my crap golf.

Ok. I'm out.

Love, kisses, head.hung.in.shame.
Jamo